Why can't we all just be perfect...
Like the title of Steph's blog "Imperfectly Painted", we should embrace our imperfections. I know I sound like every self help guru known to man, and no, I am not a bald overbearing bald man (sorry Dr Phil).
I am just a girl who grew up painfully shy with low self esteem. While my family always told me I was beautiful, I just could not see it. I had glasses, braces, a really big booty, acne, and limp oily hair. What about that description sounds beautiful?
I was not very confident growing up. I tried to cover my body with super baggy clothes. I thought the bagginess of the clothes would hide my body, but instead, they kinda made me look like a slob. Even though I wanted to fit in sooooo badly, any kind of attention made me nervous.
(What in the world is my mouth doing in this pic?!! :/)
So, there I was. I had already given up on myself at 14. This is what I am destined to look like... forever. This is how I am destined to feel....forever. I never could accept myself as beautiful. What guy would ever go out with a girl that looked like me? Heck, I did not have my first real boyfriend till I turned 17.
Fast forward to the present day. While I would never call myself beautiful, I have definitely made some improvements.
I am 31 and happier with myself than I have been in a long time. You know why? I quit fighting myself and decided that since we only get one life, I might as well enjoy it. Making fun of myself is one of my favorite things to do now!
I might not be a typical 31 year old, but WHO CARES?! I dye my hair barbie blonde because I like it. I have 7 ear piercings (No, I did not get them at 31. I got them in high school and they hurt so friggin bad that I refuse to let them grow up.) I wear boots covered in sequins and wear nail polishes that sparkle brighter than a disco ball.
The last sentence shows you just how much I have grown to accept my imperfections. Not long ago, I wanted to have a beauty blog that focused on all aspects of beauty, but primarily on nail polish because, well I like nail polish.
So, what would having a beauty blog focusing on nail polish have to do with my self esteem and my imperfections?! Just stay with me reader, I will be happy to explain.
The braces are off. I have grown out of the acne. A doctor with a really big laser fixed my eyes. Frost and Tip is the fountain of youth, even though it burns my head like Alien blood (if you do not get that whole Alien blood reference, just go ask Sigourney Weaver what I am talking about). If it makes my hair look like Malibu Barbie, I don't care!
(Feel the burn baby!)
All of that is great and worked wonders building up my confidence. Just one thing though, I can never escape my own mind. See reader, I have mild OCD, and I am a skin picker. I unconsciously pick my cuticles till they bleed, and some of my cuticles are nothing but scars due to my nonstop picking. (Actually, I am picking my cuticles as I am writing this.)
If you know ANYTHING about nail blogging, cuticles are a HUGE deal. I mean, this little flap of skin can be total destruction to a nail blog. People can be brutal. Who knew cuticles were that important? Apparently everyone but me!
I did not let that get me down! My ugly cuticles went to typing, and they created a little Tumblr blog. Nice, but nobody read my posts. Sigh... I was putting so much work into something that nobody was reading. I wanted a real blog! I started looking into it and got very, very overwhelmed. When I get overwhelmed, what do I do? Yep! I pick my cuticles.
I looked at my ragged cuticles and almost gave up. The shy teenager that is always in the back of my mind took over. I was just as insecure as I was in high school, plus my life has too many distractions anyway. What was I thinking wanting to start a nail blog anyway? Why did I even want to go into blogging? I love nail polish, but who wants to look at my ugly cuticles? All those other bloggers have perfect manicures! Why did I even think I had a chance ? What if all the attention was negative? What if people are mean? Should I just give up??
Then my imperfect self was noticed by an imperfect blog and here I am :) In the end, being imperfect suits me...well, perfectly! :)
Shine On Readers, Shine On :)
Steph - you were MY twin sister growing up - but boy did you grow up looking great! - I to bite my cuticles till they bleed-I pull hunks of skin off-no matter what lotion, oil wax or goop nothing keeps them soft except for when I pull the hard sin off - ;) Oh well I don't drink, do drugs or try to be mean to my fellow man kind - so goes life......and I'm enjoying it with you through your blog!ReplyDelete
Oh my word. I love this so much! Not because I bite my cuticles, but because my manicures are never perfect and I have a terrible habit of comparing my blog to others' and it never competes! It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who has felt/feels a little shy about the imperfections.ReplyDelete
Love, love, LOVE this. I am a reformed cuticle and nail picker, and also suffer from some pretty crippling insecurities, and probably mild paranoia at times. It's always so refreshing to see someone brave enough to share their story of being their perfectly imperfect self. Thank you so much for doing so. ♥ReplyDelete
this sounds cliche but beauty comes from the inside out and you have always been beautiful, that's real puppy love in that pic :)ReplyDelete
This isn't me, this is my guest poster Alicia :).ReplyDelete
LOVE IT I'm a 'picker' too girl more power to us. I think it's absurd to judge nail polish based on the skin around it. Hello that has nothing to do with the polish or the art on the nails!ReplyDelete
Solidarity, my sister in cuticles :).ReplyDelete
I'm trying out several recommended cuticle balms to try and reduce my damage, but I know I'm not going to stop completely. Especially since none of them seem to be moisturizing enough...
Alicia, Alicia, Alicia you could of been writing this about me. I still have me insecurities and think I always will. But as a 48 year old I am trying to embrace I am beautiful just the way I amReplyDelete
Love you! xoReplyDelete
LOVED this post!ReplyDelete
I think many of us have been in the same boat looks-wise.. and I may or may not still be on board.. Ugh.
I am also a cuticle picker. I should almost say reformed.. I went from picking them, to cutting them, now I just let them be. I have trained myself to apply cuticle oil or balm anytime I start picking. It has helped - a lot!
Can't wait for your next post!