I came across a post in a nail polish FB group recently that got a very big reaction. In this post someone was asking what peoples blogger pet peeves were.
This is not my first encounter with posts such as this. I've seen a lot of similar posts and discussion on this on FB groups, Twitter, and even a blog post in my 2+ years of blogging. A majority of the time I've seen posts like this and comments about this it causes hurt feelings, insecurities, and incites doubt into bloggers.
Some of the pet peeves included things like bad lighting, click to read more things, busy backgrounds, blurry photos, press release posts, and clean up issues. These are totally understandable, and I can agree. These were not the posts that bothered me. The responses that bothered me were the ones that included words like grungy, jacked up, scary, and disgusting to describe some people's nails, cuticles, or paint jobs on their blog that bothered me. Sure, it's an open forum, and everyone is entitled to so what they will, but it struck a chord with me.
What struck a deeper cord was when someone responded to the thread saying they were scared to start a blog now based on these comments. That really hurt me. That's when I said something. This is a hot button issue for me because of my own experiences and with experiences other bloggers have shared with me over comments like this. I don't want any potential or new blogger feel inferior because of mean posts by a bunch of people who would rather bring people down than build people up. Am I just overly sensitive to this? Probably, but I care about how posts like this affect others and the blogging community. There are 1,700+ people in that group, and I'm sure there were quite a few people who this post negatively impacted. It's one thing to say I don't like blurry photos or bad lighting, it's another thing to say someone's nails scare and disgust you on their blog in public forum.
Almost every blogger has had not some less than stellar paint jobs, cuticles, and nails some point in their blogging life. When that stuff is attached with such negative words like I mentioned above it is hurtful, not constructive, and outright mean spirited. What I'm sure may have not been recognized is many bloggers work very hard on their blogs. They have a lot of heart and dedication, but sometimes they don't have every perfect element, and even if you don't name names to call peoples work scary, grungy, jacked up, disgusting,and scary is just mean. There are less offensive ways to describe discontent.
Sadly, I was in the minority in this discussion. Most people found no problems with the post and found it constructive. Their defense was no one named names. Still, that doesn't fly with me. I honestly think people found me and some others who disagreed to be as someone even said "holier than thou". I was not trying to be holier than thou. I just genuinely care about peoples feelings. I'm good at keeping my mouth shut, but when someone says they're afraid to blog because of peoples nasty comments I will always stand up for that. I never want someone's desire or passion for blogging to be stifled.
All I can say is it is the internet, and people can say whatever they want. I shouldn't expect any different, but I'm not going to keep my mouth shut when I feel something is just wrong. I'm not trying to be superman. I'm trying to just do what I feel is kind and caring to others.
This is the same reason there are large gaps in my blog. I will go to a group and they will say something about posts and a lot of the times it strikes a cord with me. My pictures look like that! My cuticles were dry that day! It's horrible to hear what some bloggers say about each other whether or not names were mentioned. I've spoken up so many times against posts like that. What's the point of them? To belittle people? I'm not that type of person. I know exactly where you are coming from.ReplyDelete
This is a great post and you make so fantastic points. There is no need to go on the offensive with words like "disgusting" or "gnarly" or whatever. There are nicer ways to say things. There is always a nicer way. And if there isn't a nice way to say it then it should not be said at all.ReplyDelete
You know, I was given some good advice once that I think a lot of people could use to their advantage to get what they want in the blogosphere (and in life), without hurting feelings. Tell people what you want them TO do, not what not to do.ReplyDelete
People shouldn't say "don't show your jacked up nails!" or "Those photos are terrible!" If they say "hey, if you tried this lighting trick, I could see that even better!" or "Have you seen this cleanup trick? I like it a lot, you could try it!", people are much more likely to blog happily and improve their blogs at the same time. People don't mind suggestions more often than not, especially if you're enthusiastic about it, and it indicates to whoever you're constructively criticizing exactly what they could do, in a polite way.
I actually left a group because of stuff like that. I joined a group to talk about makeup, and when I first entered there was a discussion about a well known blogger. People were saying things like she wasn't aging well, criticizing her hair, etc. I left immediately. I do not like that kind of behavior at all.ReplyDelete
Loved this post. There is no reason to tear people down. You can offer helpful suggestions without insulting someone.
I saw that post and was very impressed by everything you said. You definitely were not the only one thinking that. Posts like that really do make me over think everything I've ever posted. Thanks you for saying something when some of us may have been hesitant to because I didn't want to risk having the focus put on me. I'm not comfortable taking on a group like that.ReplyDelete
I saw the post too. I didn't say anything for quite a while, just read all of the responses. I started my blog in March (so fairly new) and some of the things people were saying made me feel like they may have been talking about me.... like where they said they find it boring to just have swatches without nail art (I don't do nail art and I do boring old swatches) and someone saying that when they see a lot of text, they immediately close out. (Sometimes I have a lot of text on my posts.) Also, someone said that LOL and :) aren't punctuation and that bothers them... (I probably use :) a little too much and use it for punctuation.) It gets a little hairy when it comes to discussing things that people can get offended by. It won't make me quit blogging, but it does sting a little bit. I ended up posting that it's all personal preference and the original poster should take what they like in certain blogs and make their blog what they like to see/read. I also quoted the song "you can't please everyone so ya gotta please yourself". People love to find faults in others to make themselves feel better. I'm sure most of those people were just answering the question and weren't thinking they may be alienating lots of people. I hope, at least:)ReplyDelete
I agree that things should be said nicely in attempt to help other bloggers out, we have to remember that some people just don't have a filter. Those are the comments I would ignore when looking for advice. I don't think you sounded "holier than thou". Trust me, I have had my share of those bloggers. My take on huge groups like that is it's easily accessible to trolls, they love to bring people down.ReplyDelete
I agree with this! I just started my blog not too long ago and while I feel like Ive came a long way already..Im still learning. My photos can be a pet peeve to me alone but hey Im not a pro! I just came to share my polish love! Good for you for putting your voice in there too!ReplyDelete
cananyone give me a link to the post please?ReplyDelete
Thanks for sticking up for others! Someone really needs to for the insecure girls who get hurt by rude comments. I think many bloggers have nails/cuticles that aren't in perfect condition when they begin, no one is perfect. It's the continued effort and support from this community that make bloggers strive to be better every day. Support, not belittling. Chances are most of the people complaining are guilty of half the things they complain about!ReplyDelete
You are right Stephanie!! Too many times people sit behind a computer and write unnecessarily rude things, forgetting that there are people with feelings who read them. My motto is, if you don't have anything positive to say, don't say it at all.ReplyDelete
You go, girl! I definitely do not have the best looking nails out there (and I am NOT a talented photographer), but I love painting my nails and I love seeing other people do the same! We should support each other rather than shame each other. Thanks for bringing this up! :)ReplyDelete
Awesome! Great post. One of the reasons I stopped blogging - nail polish just became so negative and nasty, kinda took the joy out of it for me.ReplyDelete
Girl, thanks for sticking up for others. I know we are in a lot of the same polish groups on FB so now I am going to go look and see if it is in one I am in, so I can stick up for people, too. I have not been on the groups the past couple of weeks. I will admit I was a bit scared to start for the same reason, and while sometimes I admit I enjoy blogs with great photos, I mostly enjoy blogs with the most HEART, and those ones have imperfections. And like you said, everyone has crappy photos/posts/etc here and there. I am so sad to hear about this, but I am so happy you are bringing it up and sticking up for those people who were being talked about, even if names were not named.ReplyDelete
<~~Guilty of saying jacked up in that post, but not once did anyone ask me what I meant by that. Yes, maybe I could've worded it differently or explained myself, not not once was I asked what I meant. Other than that, I agree with this post, though I think some people may have taken some of the words/wording the wrong way.ReplyDelete
I missed that post in said group, but I've seen that type of thing happen way too often. There are a bunch of posts I'd like to take down from when I first started, but I think they show progress and how you can get better over time. Just to think, I didn't even realize how poor the quality of my photos were in the beginning until I did a search that required me to look back. Great job voicing your discontent!ReplyDelete
Fantastic post, Stephanie! I agree, 100%. I don't understand the point of hacking on someone's personal blog, or voicing cruel opinions that will only serve to hurt feelings. Offering constructive criticism and helpful suggestions is different than saying mean spirited things that don't serve any purpose. I'm not familiar with the FB group or comment thread you mentioned, but I am glad you wrote this!ReplyDelete
I've been working on starting a blog recently (it's private as of now) until I get the courage to make it public. Comments like that do bring a lot of us down, and it's very insensitive. Do those people saying hurtful comments stop to think that bloggers (most) don't get paid to do these posts and do it out of passion for polish/nail art and love for the nail community? I don't think they do. I personally enjoy seeing pictures of different polish on all kinds of nails. To me, the more people who share their love of polish, the better.ReplyDelete
Good post! I'm not in any of the FB groups but those types of words would have upset me too so I'm glad you spoke up! I'm still new to nail blogging and it took me a while to tell folks about my nail blog because I was worried about words like that. I kept seeing blogs showing nails so perfect that made me question sharing my stuff. I was happy when I started reading your blog because it was nice to see someone else who also felt that way. I loved your blog's name and how you sort of celebrate all nails! I like looking at your Share with You Sunday posts too! Thanks for what you do!ReplyDelete
Well said, Steph.ReplyDelete
That's terrible! I would feel so bad if that was me. I always go by, if you can't say something nice, don't say something at all especially when it comes to the internet and commenting on something.ReplyDelete
I never saw the post your talking of but I totally agree! I find myself so paronoid in posting pictures if they don't look perfect. Sometimes I avoid my blog all together because traffic being slow I get so self concious that my photo's / nails are terrible. Its sad how people can be, we all start somewhere & we all learn to know what's best & we all slowly get better. :( xxReplyDelete
I agree with this!!! We should be helping each other not bringing each other down!! Positive tips for improvement will always win out over mean spirited mud slinging!!ReplyDelete
Good on you for saying something! We all have flaws so why point them out in others! The social media is so incredibly critical. I actually titled my first blog mani as "The Most Pathetic Mani In Blogging History!" It is quite intimidating as a brand new blogger and even though I'm the type of person that doesn't let those things bother her, I know there are so many people out there that get their feelings hurt over things like this and we all need to be more accepting of each other's individuality. Just because it's different, doesn't mean it's wrong.ReplyDelete
That's exactly why I said something. Despite people not naming names, it's hard not to think about if they're talking about me. It's all fine until someone uses negative words like gross, disgusting, and scary to describe someone's work. That's when I have a problem. Name or not you're trashing not helping someone.ReplyDelete
I agree. Sadly, it was a FB group with a lot of like-minded individuals who only saw negativity in the fact that I spoke up against it. It's one thing to say you don't like bad lighting in photos it's another thing to call people's nail and work gross. We may think it in our minds, we may share it with a friend, but to post it on a group with 1700+ members is not wise.ReplyDelete
Exactly. That's how I feel. Why not encourage and motivate someone rather than tell them what they're doing wrong in such a negative way?ReplyDelete
Yeah, I'm starting to think I need to leave this group too. I really don't have time for negativity in my life, and it's disappointing that so many people thrive off of it and see it as not only necessary, but constructive. I don't get how calling people's stuff gross and scary is constructive? I must of missed something!ReplyDelete
No problem! I knew exactly what that post was doing when it started with the "grungy" and "scary" comments. Sadly, the heat was put on me a bit yesterday for making this post on my blog. It's funny how none of those people came to my blog to share those comments eh? Haha, I can take the heat! My only crime was caring about people's feelings. I will always say something in regards to that no matter how far in the minority I am. :)ReplyDelete
Yeah, that's exactly what it was. In the past I've seen many discussions like this on Twitter. I even took part, and then I stepped back and realized that me saying those things was hurting someone. I think when people use words like some of the people did there grungy, disgusting, scary and ete, it's not intentionally out to hurt someone, but it does. In a group of that magnitude I think it's wise to be more neutral or positive when making comments on blogger things. Myself and so many bloggers have gone through phases where we feel insecure about our blogs, and a lot of times it's comments like those that start that. I'm an idealist and probably sickeningly too nice for that group of people.There were a few commenters there who gave of the "mean girl" vibe. I was not trying to police that discussion or come off as self-righteous my only care was for the people that post may hurt. I think that got lost in the mess of the discussion which is unfortunate because outside of the not-so-well thought out choice of wording comments I agreed with a lot of the pet peeves!ReplyDelete
You're right. I knew that going into that discussion. I usually try to avoid that stuff, but I couldn't. I think while some people probably had no ill intent there were others who I truly believe like to put people down because it builds them up to some degree.ReplyDelete
You're welcome! That's why I did it because based on the comments I received her and past experience I know comments like that do hurt. While my message fell on deaf ears in that particular group, I'm glad that what I shared here helped others. Being supportive and encouraging is always a better reaction than negativity in my book.ReplyDelete
That's exactly what it is. I know some of the people there did not realize how their words could hurt. I do know that some others couldn't careless what they say and who it hurts sadly. I know in that group my message feel on deaf ears, but I'm thankful that the blogging community I choose to associate with understands this issue and feels strongly about being positive, kind, and supportive to one another.ReplyDelete
No problem. I'm glad I did! You should enjoy blogging!ReplyDelete
Thank you. I'm so sorry stuff like this was one of the reasons you stopped blogging, but I can totally understand why. A lot of us are sensitive because it means so much to us, and it's sad that people cannot find nicer ways to discuss there opinions and share critique.ReplyDelete
The post is gone now thankfully. I think I made it worse by posting this blog because people in the group thought I was being over-dramatic and overly sensitive. It's funny because none of those people who took issue with me have bothered to comment on this post? I know this is a problem though, and that's why I spoke up about despite being in the clear minority. I'm glad you started your blog! .ReplyDelete
I don't think you meant harm by saying that. I don't think most people did, but some others I do question their intent! I think a lot of the times we say those things, and don't realize how those words can impact people. It's a big group, and even though only a handful of people were commenting on that thread I'm sure a ton of others saw it and had some negative feelings about it. It's all good. Thanks for posting!ReplyDelete
Thanks! I know it's weird to look back at your older posts. A lot of mine I was like "What was I thinking?!?", but I keep them up there anyways. It cool be able to show your progress!ReplyDelete
No problem. I'm glad I said something too despite it not going over well with that group. There are better ways to say something especially in group with so many membersReplyDelete
Thank you so much Nerissa! I really wanted my blog to be a space not only for me, but for my readers and other bloggers. I know what it's like all to well be excluded, bullied, and made to feel inadequate in my life. I wanted this blog to be positive, encouraging, and supporting not only for me but for others. I'm glad that comes through, and that means to world to me. I'm so glad you started blogging, and don't question yourself. The times I've questioned myself about my blog are the worst. When I stopped caring it was so freeing! Just do your thing!ReplyDelete
Exactly. We all have negative thoughts of others, but be mindful where you share them! Keep them in your head or share them with a friend...FB group with 1700+ members? Not such so much!ReplyDelete
Exactly, Lindsey. There are many people who can brush these things off and no big deal. Then there are others who are more sensitive. There is nothing wrong with being either way, but it's always good to be mindful on how you say something. There are ways to discuss your pet peeves that are more neutral as far as tone and words used. I think that got lost on my message to that group. I don't think things should be all smiles and rainbows, but they shouldn't be the opposite either.ReplyDelete
No problem. We're bloggers. We're not getting paid to do this, and we all have to have a starting point. I don't know anyone who starts are perfect or even near perfection.ReplyDelete
Shelbi, I'm not sure some people do think about that. That's why I think it's always wise to be mindful about how you express things like this. We're not getting paid to write posts. We buy majority of stuff, and there is a lot of time and energy that goes into blogging. I hope you get the courage to post your blog soon.ReplyDelete
I agree, it's okay to give constructive criticism but it's not okay to be overly critical.ReplyDelete
I don't even know where to FIND groups like that to join... I suppose that's why so few people read my blog. On the other hand, I'm unaware of the negative comments that might be out there, and nobody complains about my nail polish but me.ReplyDelete
Good for you for speaking up! I know how difficult it is to do that sometimes. I don't post very often, I don't have a ton of readers, and I definitely don't have the best photos. But the kind of people who would say things like that are not the people I would want as readers anyway. Thanks for standing up and being who you are! <3ReplyDelete
I honestly hate when I get anon posts saying my uncleaned cuticles bothers them. I understand that some people think all nails should be absolute perfection, but I could care less. It is about the design itself for me, not to mention the ones being commented on are from my first few posts, over a year ago now. I paint my nails for fun, and do the blog to share my designs and hopefully inspire others. People who only hate, should receive just that... (This goes for eveything, not just nails)ReplyDelete
Wow, I guess I'm a little in the dark about how these groups work - I'm not part of any! I guess I'm not entirely surprised, people can be nasty :/ We should be working together to build each other up, not to tear each other down.ReplyDelete
That makes me so upset. I was having such a crappy day today and feeling so down on myself but I wanted to post for tomorrow so I sat down and started writing. The feeling I get when blogging is awesome and the people I've met through blogging are amazing.ReplyDelete
To make my point, it's extremely upsetting that people are so insensitive and just flat out rude. Being able to do something your passionate about is incredible and to make someone feel bad about the way they're doing it is just totally wrong and upsetting.
I hope that made any sense at all!